You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
