If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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