Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
