you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
