my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
