His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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