I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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