I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
