Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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