Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
