I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
