Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
