apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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