he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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