I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
