some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
