I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
