I smell stomach acid.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
