No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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