just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
