I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
