i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
