No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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