I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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