I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
