the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
