Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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