Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
