I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
