Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
