i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
