I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
