sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
