He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
