He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
