Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you win again, gameday.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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