Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You were trust falling into bushes
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
is it fun? or sober?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
