im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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