In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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