can u get pink eye on your cock?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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