if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
