I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
