DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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