I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
