WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
