it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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