Whod you bang
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
