I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
