Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
