Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
