Cold hands, warm shart.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
