Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
