Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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