a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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