he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize