your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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