Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
