evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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