im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the condom got lost in my hair
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
